It has all gone by so fast, planning the wedding, figuring out every detail, that I can't believe we have only 20 days left until the big day. I am getting so excited, but at the same time I cannot image the the whoe day. Matt and I had our final pre-wedding meeting to map out all the big details. Ever since we have planned out each minute of our ceremony it has become glaringly real that we are truely going to be married. Before, all the planning just seemed like what you do when you prepare to get married, but actually sitting down, reading every word that will be spoke, imagining the events, it finally felt real! Our ceremony is going to be very traditional and very classic, I am extremely happy with how it is going to go. I can't wait to be a part of it, and have all my family and friends there to support Matt and I.
Archive for the 'Faith' Category
This morning Matt led a small group book discussion at St. Marks Episcopal Church on Brennan Manning's The Importance of Being Foolish. It was a two part discussion which started last week, but I could not go because I was visiting family. However, today I joined him and was amazed at who and what I was listening to. I love when Matt speaks at church and I love listening to his theories in Small groups. This morning though I was amazed at his calm presence and intelligence he brought to the table to lead the group. The group had a very different make up than the small groups we usually attend. I say this because I am used to seeing Matt speak amongst our peers in the 20's, but today I saw him speak more eloquently and with such presence to a group comprised mostly of people over the age of 50. He made them laugh, kept their attention, and most of all brought forth new ideas to a group of new people on the subject of the Emerging Church. I became fully aware at just how smart and what a strong depth of knowledge Matt has on a wide array of Christianity. I was amazed and am exited to be marrying him.
It is my last day at my teaching job, it is supposed to be a teacher work day. However, I finished all of my work already, and am just left to ponder the end that has just occured in my life. Yesterday was the students last day, and it turned out to be surreal. It was very hard to say goodbye to some of my students, because I had really formed a bond with them. One girl left the room crying because she was going to miss me, since I was not coming back next year. It brought tears in my eyes because within this one person I saw that I had an impact on her life. She was crying because I was leaving, it was so sad. My students are all gone today, and I sit here all alone in my room. The only memory I have left of my first teaching gig is the sign on the white board that says: "We love Ms. Rieger and we will miss you!!" My students wrote it yesterday, and the janitors were so nice to leave it up for me to look at today.
Now I am left to look back on my life, and wonder what God has in store for my future. I don't have a clue what is to come. Some days I accept it, and other days I freak out wondering why moving to Seattle can't be easier. I sat in my room this morning looking at the note from my students, looking at the beautiful scenary out my window, the flag in the corner of my room, and the emptiness that now lives here. 
I prayed that I will get another chance to teach in Seattle, that I will make more connections with my students, that I will look out the window and see water and mountains, that I will have another room with another flag in the corner, and the my classroom will be filled with the joy from students learning History.
Lately I have been addicted to the TV show "Lost". At first I didn't understand the craze at all, I thought it was just going to be just another show to watch. I started getting it on Netflix and now I see what the craze is about. I have never been so intrigued by a TV show until now. I have many favorite shows, but I find myself getting bored or sometimes falling asleep during them. However, with Lost, I can't stop watching it, I have even been staying up way past the usual time I go to bed just to see what will happen next. The great thing about netflix is that you get a disc with 4 episodes on it, you don't have to wait for a week to get the next episode. As I have been watching it though I have been thinking about possible relationships to Christianity and faith. I am puzzled by many of the story lines, and the idea of starting your life over. I decided to look into it and found a really cool quiz that relates faith to some of the themes. Check it out here, and see what you think.
After a long, great but exhausting day, I think I have found a new favorite holiday: Easter. When I was growing up Easter meant having my grandparents over, opening Easter gifts and eating candy with my sister all day, really nothing more than that. I didn't give much thought to the whole day, in fact I foolishly often wondered why people even celebrated Easter. That was then, this is now. Flash forward a few years to today. Matt and I have been going to the Episcopal church in our town and it has been a unique experience. At first I was very uncomfortable and fought the whole idea of making it Matt and I's church, but after a few months I am really enjoying Sundays. In preperation for Easter they strip the sanctuary of all elaborate things, Lent becomes a time of contemplation and reflection, not celebration. It all leads up to today. I have to admit, I felt somewhat childish waiting for Easter to arrive this weekend, I was very excited. I bought Matt a beautiful Easter card, rewarded his fast from buying books with a Bookstore giftcard and a new book mark, woke up early and got Starbucks and the Sunday paper, ironed my pretty spring skirt, and decided it was going to be a great day! Well it was. I went into church not really expecting anything, but I walked away with everything. The Easter service was so wonderful and beautiful, it was truely a celebration. The Sanctuary smelled of fresh flowers, the decorations had returned, people where singing as loud as they could, there were even trumpets to help us worship. As I sat in church I was overwhelmed with a since of joy to the point that it almost made me cry. It was a huge moment for me in the fact that my faith was real today, it was confirmed that indeed I am living my life for someone more powerful than I ever imagined. It was spine-tingling. It became a new holiday!
In honor of Good Friday…
When I first made the decision to try and follow Jesus there was one powerful scene that brought up many emotions for me. It was the scene when Jesus is hung on the cross next to the criminals and first of all says "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." The amount of forgiveness Jesus showed at this painful point amazed me and overwhelmed my thoughts. In the midst of this horror he offered forgiveness and honesty. However, the second scene that had an impact me is when one of the criminals asks Jesus to remember him and Jesus states, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." I love the vision Jesus gives to the theif and those words continuely played over and over in my head during my struggle with my decision to give away my life so that I could become one who believes. It is a beautiful image for me.
Yesterday I wrote about the 3 points in a recent sermon I listened to. The second point was Shake. McManus spoke about shaking things up in our lives. People need to take risks and put thierselves out there. Now there is a naive view that a belief in God will protect you from failing. However, this cannot always be true. I think McManus rings true when he says "Are you going to fail? You betcha!!" Just because I try and live my life for and with God does not mean I will always succeed. I think this is important because I think sometimes some Christians feel that they have an immunity from failing if they have faith. There comes a certain responsibitiy to live out our faith and this includes risk taking. I can't stop thinking about the risk-journey I will be taking when we move to Seattle. It will be scary, it will be filled with risk, but will it be good? I certainly hope so!!
Yesterday I had the oppurtunity to listen to an Erwin McManus sermon from my computer. He is leading a Chasing Daylight series in relation to the book I am currently reading. In this talk he uses a breakdown of 3 terms: Break, Shake, and Illuminate. I enjoy having phrases or other things that help me to remember aspects that I find important and this is a great example of this. He talks of breaking away from the crowd when it comes to your individual life. To fully live in God, you need to step away and form your own pursuit of life through God. He says people will often think you are crazy or out of your mind when you break tradition, or break away from what people think is normal. However, to truely follow your dreams and live in the awe of God, it is often required that we have to break away. This was relevant to my current situation because I found myself relating to what he was saying. I recently started my first real job as a teacher in Colorado. It has been absolutely wonderful. I love the school, I love my classroom, the kids, the schedule, and everything about it. I often think that it can't get much better than this. When you are content with yoru job, the world around you feels so much better. When I commited to my finace that we will soon start a joint life together, it was a commitment to sacrifice and combine our individual dreams into one. Part of this involves us leaving Colorado and moving to Seattle where he will attend Mars Hill Graduate School. Now, people think I am crazy and out of my mind to give up this seemingly perfect job. In fact, I often question myself. However, as I listened to this sermon it hit home that moving may just be my "break". I do not know what is to come, in fact I am very nervous. I have a huge passion for teaching and hope I can find with God's help another great job. This is definitely going against the grain and breaking away from society, but I do believe that good things will come, it is just a matter of not knowing yet.
While in Seattle, I picked up a new book, Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus. Last summer a team from my church went to LA to do some work for others, and I had the chance to meet him while visiting his church Mosaic. I believe that Erwin is a wonderful speaker, and while I have only heard 2 of his sermons, his words on God have made a lasting impact on my life. Anyway, I picked up this book at a perfect time in my life. Matt and I's decision to move to Seattle in August has been a hard decision to make. I love my job here and love the community. However, this book has changed my outlook on moving. I am only a little bit into the book, and I can't wait to see how else it changes my mind. He writes about living in the power of every moment and making the most of every choice you make. He talks about how important it is to live out your dreams while living for God. You only have one life and with faith in God you can become free to sieze your divine moment. It is very good, and I can't wait to read more. If only I had more time to read right now……
Matt and I returned from visiting Seattle on Wednesday. Against all odds, I managed not to shed one tear in our future home. Amazing!! Lately, I have found myself completly preoccupied with our move to Seattle. I have so many questions and fears running through my thoughts all the time. How will we afford it? Will I get another teaching job that I absolutely love? Will we live in a safe area? What about our little Basil-Pig, how will she adjust? These questions plus about a million more are a constant burden on my ability to thrive and enjoy life in the here and now. I need to move past these worries and trust in God. I do believe that Seattle is where we need to go and what we need to do. Now, was I prepared for such a huge change in my life? No, not at all. But at what point do I stop listening to the worries in my head and start to trust and talk to God? I pray and pray, but sometimes it pushes me to more craziness and worry. All I can say in these moments is that I feel bad for my finacee who has to be the one who not only listens, but puts up with my fits of fear. With that all said, I had a moment in church last Sunday that spoke to me. We were singing the worship song, Let My Words Be Few and I really started to think about the phrase, "So I'll let my words be few". It made me remember a passage in the Bible about prayer. In Matthew 6:7-8 it says, And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. I began to realize how foolish I have been in my prayer life regarding Seattle. I am long-winded, I babble, I could pray for hours about all my fears. But for what? God knows what I worry about, I started to think and really meditate on the words from the song and this verse. Let my words about Seattle be few….No more babbling…God knows what I fear and what I worry about before I even start praying.
